i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
