I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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