I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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