So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
