peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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