Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize