Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
