OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you would pick up someone in the library
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
