Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
