I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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