before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
