i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
