We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
