I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
