I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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