she kept yelling 'call me bella'
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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