Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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