I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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