Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Quick, to the slutcave!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
