dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
