I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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