LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize