WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
