i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
