first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
