new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
