I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
