i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
