then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Semen is not good for contacts.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
