Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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