I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
