i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
