yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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