Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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