imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
