im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize