Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
