I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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