Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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