I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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