I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
