You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
