How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize