Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
