My Higher Power is John Stamos
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
