Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
