I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
