id be glad to
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
