if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
