Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
