i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
