Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
