dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
That was before I lit my hair on fire
tell me about the eggs
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
