His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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