my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize