Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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