Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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