My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize