she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
In America we eat man semen.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
