do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
