i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
