thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
