we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
