"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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