he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
