I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize