if i can run in heels then i can drive
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
