my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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