how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
