What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
