She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
