id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
