they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
