Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
